One day as I looked out the back window of my friend’s condo there was the mallard, sitting atop the garage in the alley.  Where did he come from, I mused?  Is he injured? Has he lost his bearings? How did he get there?  How is he going to find his way back home?  Where IS home?  As I continued to look at him, I realized I was much more worried about his predicament than was he. He was just hanging out, blissfully checking out the scenery, watching unperturbed, as the garbage trucks lumbered by.  

There’s a wonderful quote.  In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus tells his followers: “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”

Okay, I hate to disagree with you here, Jesus, but birds build nests.  Squirrels squirrel away nuts. (They even have their own verb!) Ever seen a colony of ants? A hive of bees?  Of course we have to plan and prepare!  It’s part of the human condition!  In India, the yogic ascetics, are taken care of by the community.  Fed, clothed, sometimes housed, to free them to pursue their spiritual calling. The community places a value on these practices and supports them.  This simply doesn’t translate to our western culture.

In the end, I found a place I really like in a great neighborhood. It all worked out.  It always does, doesn’t it?  But throughout those two weeks the stress would ebb and flow like ocean tides.  One minute confident, the next in a panic of shallow breath and that knot.

The next line from the Sermon says “Can any of you, however much you worry, add one single cubit to your span of life?”  I come from a long line of accomplished worriers. If worrying were an Olympic sport, mom would take the gold. So it’s not just a habit, it’s a genetic predisposition!

But it all begs the question, can we really be certain of anything?  Isn’t certainty just an illusion?  We are certain we will see our loved ones soon. But there are tornados, hurricanes, drunk drivers, heart attacks, and on and on…. We live under the delusion of certainty until something happens to bring uncertainty to our conscious awareness.  Only then do we start to worry.

In response to this, the Olympic caliber worry athlete says: “Start worrying about everything and everyone now! Don’t you realize how tenuous life is?  Get your head out of the sand!!!”

Sounds facetious, but sadly, this is often the thought pattern that presents itself.  (Re: the genetic predisposition)  Sometimes I’ll sit in that dark place, and convince myself that this state of worry is somehow right.  It fools me into thinking that worry is a more realistic frame of mind.

So the question is not “How can I bring certainty to my life?”, but “How can I come to a place of calm around all the uncertainties that surround me?”  My yoga practice has taught me how to step out of that dark place, to realize that worry serves absolutely no useful purpose.  I am able to talk myself down from that place of worry to a place of being okay, sometimes even at peace, with the fact that uncertainty is, in fact, life’s default setting.

It also helps me trust that things really will work out.  This is an obvious leap of faith.  But it’s a leap that is getting some statistical support behind it as my life unfolds.  Things generally have worked out just fine.  Sure, I’ve experienced loss, heartbreak, disappointment.  But I’m still standin’ (as Sir Elton reminds me) and the joys have definitely outnumbered the sorrows.  Blessings abound.  And it has never, ever been as bad as the invented possible negative outcomes – worry’s primary output.

No, I don’t have the support of the community to feed and clothe me, but I have the emotional and physical support of friends, family and my yoga community.  I am able to define myself and my yoga practice as I choose.  I get to create the life I want, and the biggest barriers to it are in my own head.  In those moments when uncertainty comes front and center to my conscious awareness, and the worry gene kicks in, I have found one of the most comforting statements to be “this too shall pass”.  The uncertainty will pass, as will the worry about the uncertainty.  In that dark place, the uncertainties, the fears about the future, look so enormous as I invent all those possible negative outcomes.  Mallards don’t do that.  Neither does your dog, cat, turtle, etc.  I have none of these yet, so had to rely on the Mallard for this lesson.  I like to think he was sent by God, just for this purpose.  And so I would finally get the point of the Sermon on the Mount.

-          Rub body with oil before shower, using a circular motion around the joints

-          Olive or sunflower for pitta dosha; sesame for vatta and kapha doshas

-          Follow with hot shower and cold rinse

-          Don’t try to wash off all oil with soap

-          Pat the skin dry

As the body detoxes, it becomes more susceptible to catching a chill, so the purpose of the practice during the cleanse is to protect the body.  I did notice both the susceptibility and feeling easily chilled, but also greater protection by having that very light layer of oil on my skin.  After the detox, and as the weather got colder, I decided to continue the practice.  I don’t do this every day. Maybe every third or fourth day.  But when I do, I feel better able to ward off the cold – better protected – as if I have an extra insulating layer.  I can’t explain why it works, all I know is, it does.  The chill just doesn’t go as deep, and I haven’t gotten a cold yet this season.  I usually get one or two every winter.  Time will tell.  The practice also has the added benefit of making the skin feel nice and soft, so why not give it a try?  It might just make a cold winter just a little easier.

Okay, here’s a pop quiz.  Take a look at the two photographs below.

Q: Which one of the folks in these two photos is doing Warrior 2?

A: Right, both of them.

Q: Which one has a more advanced yoga practice?

A: Okay, this is a trick question.  We really can’t tell because we don’t know what’s going on in their heads or whether or not they are straining in Warrior 2 and just putting on a brave face.  Why is this important? An advanced yoga practice is not defined by how many yoga parlor tricks you can do, or by how much you can contort your body into jaw dropping shapes.  A yoga practice is so much more than that.  It is defined by what is happening between the ears.  Where is the attention focused?  Is it focused on the appearance of the posture, and wanting to look good?  Or is it focused on how the posture feels? It’s important that we experience the effort intended by the posture, but if we experience strain it’s just as important to give ourselves the permission to back off as needed, and to find a version that will support our own self care.  This is where the yoga teacher comes in.  It’s the teacher’s job to help the student find that place of comfort and stability in the posture.  Sometimes that place is on the beach with the waves lapping at our feet, and sometimes it’s in a chair.  It all depends upon what the student needs in that moment.  With the teacher’s guidance, the student can find a joyful practice, no matter where you are.  The video below is a short yoga sequence in a chair.  It’s intended for someone with limited mobility, or anyone who wants a gentle practice.

Thanks to my friend Josue Cedeno for Warrior 2 on the beach.

Thanks to http://www.atlyogascene.com/2011/09/chair-yoga/ for the photo of yoga in a chair.

From a physiological standpoint, the breath is something that is controlled by the autonomic nervous system.  It happens without our thinking about it.  But it is one of the few functions of the body that can also be easily brought under our conscious control.  We can choose to deepen, shorten, hold, etc.  Because of this ability to control the breath and change our respiratory rate, it is a very useful tool to help change other conditions in the body.

For example, when the effort of our asana practice increases and becomes challenging, the body’s response is often to shorten the breath and tense the muscles.  This is a natural human tendency.  It is the sympathetic nervous system’s fight or flight response, the function that kicks in to protect us from threats.  This is essential for the preservation of the species when we encounter danger.  However, the body will often kick into a fight or flight state in non-life-threatening, but stressful situations, such as when we are preparing to speak publicly, or engaged in a competitive sport.  The breath shortens, the heart beats faster, maybe the palms become sweaty.  The breath also tends to shorten when we are intensely focused on a task such as playing a musical instrument or threading a needle.

During our yoga practice, we can experience some of the same responses described above.  The breath shortens and muscles tense in tree pose as we concentrate on balancing on one foot, or in side plank as the muscles start to shake and the intensity builds.  The beauty of a yoga practice is that we don’t have to become caught up in that natural response.  When tension arises due to intense effort or concentration, we get to step back and notice what is happening.  We get to give ourselves permission to relax.  Controlling the breath is an incredibly useful tool to help us get to that relaxed place even when we are engaged in intense effort.  The simple act of intentionally slowing and deepening the breath will cause a response in the body that will start to relax muscles, quiet the body’s stress responses, and reduce overall tension.  This skill can be brought to our daily lives in stressful situations.  We can take a step back, deepen the breath and ratchet down the stress response, instead of allowing ourselves to get caught up in the stressful experience.

Let’s talk a little more specifically about how to use the breath during a yoga class.  Students will often say to me “this breathing is all well and good, but I can’t follow the teacher’s instruction during sun salutation.  I feel ‘out of breath’ when I try to follow his/her cadence.”  If you are in a class of say 20 students, remember that each student has a different lung capacity, and a different respiratory rate.  The teacher selects one pace to lead the class through a sun salutation, and it simply can’t fit everyone.

Your responsibility as a student is to listen to the messages your body is sending you.  If your body tells you that you need to inhale before the teacher instructs you to do so, IT’S OKAY!  It’s more important that you keep breathing and honor your body’s own breathing pattern than it is to follow the teacher’s cadence.  In this way, you will be connecting your body to your breath.

That said, there is a reason we have a specific breathing pattern associated with sun salutation.  The rule of thumb in yoga is that we inhale during backbends and exhale during forward bends.  This rule is not hard and fast, and there are exceptions, but it provides a useful guideline for coordinating breath and movement.  The reason is simple.  It is more difficult to fill the lungs fully when we are in a forward bend, (think, for example, of Uttanasana, a standing forward fold) because the torso is more compressed, and it’s not easy for the diaphragm expand and allow the lungs to fill completely.  In fact, the forward bend actually allows the exhalation to be more complete by helping the diaphragm push the air out of the lungs.  So there is a balance to be drawn between following the prescribed breathing patterns in sun salutation and following your own.  You may even find that over time, with a consistent practice, you will be able to adjust your breathing rhythm to match the teacher’s instruction and still feel comfortable and at ease.  It’s all part of the wonderful inquiry that is a yoga practice!

Also if you are unclear about the teacher’s instruction – “am I supposed to be breathing or holding my breath out right now?” – remember that the default action is to KEEP BREATHING.  Unless the teacher specifically instructs you to suspend the breath, keep breathing and let the breath be long and full!

Click on the link below, being mindful of the concepts discussed above, as I lead you through two rounds of sun salutation.

This detox, based on Ayurveda, traditional Indian medicine and health care, calls for dietary changes along with other cleansing practices.  The dietary changes limited my nutritional intake to kitchari (a stew of mung beans, basmati rice, spices and vegetables), tea, some steamed vegetables, and potassium broth (made from potato and carrot peels, celery and kale).   Over the seven days, I experienced changes on many levels – physical, mental and emotional.

Physical

The first two days were the toughest, and pretty much a blur, spent in a fog of caffeine withdrawal, and in need of naps in the afternoon.  I had to give up my beloved morning cup of coffee.  On the plus side, I was surprised that I did not get a splitting caffeine withdrawal headache.  By day three my energy levels started to pick up and I felt more alert.  I was feeling well hydrated, even though I wasn’t drinking more water.  I attribute that to eliminating dehydrating substances like caffeine and alcohol, and eating foods higher in water content, such as leafy greens.   On day 4 I felt soreness in my right hip, but couldn’t recall doing anything that might have caused it.  Could it have been some toxin getting unstuck and leaving my body?  Not sure, but I’d like to think so.  By day 5 I was starting to feel easily chilled.  I had to bundle up to sleep the night before.  They warned of the being susceptible to a chill during the detox, and to keep the head and neck well protected. During the final days, the process felt very gentle on my body.  After the first two days, there were no huge fluctuations in my energy levels, or any physical discomfort.  My energy level was overall quite high.   I should also note that I was able to get a good eight hours of sleep almost every night, which, I am sure made all the difference in the world.  I put on a pair of jeans at the end of the detox and noticed that they were a little loose, so I’m sure I lost a few pounds. (I don’t own a scale) Not to worry, I’m sure I’ll find them in the next few days.

Mental

After the fog of the first two days cleared, my mind felt quite sharp and alert.  Mentally, the week became an awareness practice on so many levels.  When I get a hunger pang, or even walk by a snack, my initial habitual pattern is to reach for the chips, pretzels, nuts, whatever.  During the detox, I had to stop myself and acknowledge the knee-jerk reaction.  It was hard to say no to those things, but easier because “I’m doing a detox and it’s of a finite duration.”  I comforted myself by thinking, “I’ll be able to have as many of those as I want on Sunday.”  The night of Day 5 I had a dream that I forgot about the detox and ate an Italian Beef sandwich.  I guess I had my first vegetarian anxiety dream.  By day 6 I was like an old horse who sees the barn and starts to walk faster to get to the hay.  I’m in the home stretch and can’t wait for this to be over.  If I have another bowl of kitchari I’m going to scream!   Of course, Mom cooked a ribeye for herself and ate it right in front of me.  Child abuse!!

Emotional

For the first two days, I’d say cranky is the best word to describe my emotional state.  Cranky and impatient.  By day three that pretty much subsided and things stabilized.  By the latter days of the detox I was spending much of my time sitting in gratitude for all the glorious food I have available to me every day.  Obviously when we remove those things we take for granted we realize how much they mean to us.  That has certainly been the case this week.  Funny though, the gratitude has spilled over into other aspects of my life – people who are important to me, experiences, places, and other blessings.  Interestingly, the completion of the cleanse gave me a feeling of confidence that I did not expect.  Disciplined practice has that effect.

The Last Day

On day seven, as I reflected on the past week, I notice that some of my cravings were not what I expected.  And they were not constant.  They ebbed and flowed throughout the course of the day, even hour by hour.  I thought that by day 7 I would want a cup of coffee in the worst way.  Turns out that after day 2 my craving for coffee (I assume most of it has to do with caffeine, though I’m not sure)diminished steadily for the next 5 days.  I’d say my craving for wine probably stayed the same, there but not strong.  Not surprisingly a craving for any food but kitchari rose sharply in the last few days.  I’m not sure if it was mental or physical.  I did start to crave meat, but that may have been from the ribeye incident.  When I spend time at Kripalu my sweet tooth grows quite large after a few days.  I attribute it to dietary changes (no meat or caffeine), but my craving for sweets didn’t grow this week.  That surprised me.  City planners love to represent information graphically, so, in plannerly fashion, below is a chart of my cravings over the seven days.  Fascinating, eh?

Day 8– The Morning After

I awoke on day eight excited to be moving on from the cleanse, but also a bit wistful about letting it go.  The excitement came from the idea of defining what comes next.  What gets brought into daily practice?  What gets left behind?  I didn’t go crazy and eat everything is sight, but I did head straight for the coffee pot.  What is that strong desire for coffee all about?  It seems to be a combination of a “want” and a “need”.  I need coffee to jump-start my brain in the morning, but I also want coffee, because I really enjoy it.  I love the smell, the taste, the warmth.   Since the cleanse, I am feeling like I don’t have that need anymore.   I woke up on Day 8 feeling quite alert and energetic.  Maybe now coffee can have a little bit different place in my life.  Can I let go of the “need” part?  Time will tell……

I eased myself gently off the kitchari with things like cereal, almond milk and tofurkey during the day.  Dinner was soup made from beef broth with noodles.  Had a small portion of meat and some veggies on the side.  A glass of wine and some dark chocolate.  Deeelicious.  And so much appreciated.

Beyond Day 8

The cleanse felt like hitting the reset button, and coming back to my default settings.  Those settings are health and clarity, brought about primarily by the prescribed dietary changes. This week was about stepping away from my established patterns and shaking things up.   Ayurveda talks about Swasthavritta – a code for healthy conduct; establishing oneself in good habits.   The past week has allowed me to begin to let go of judgments that are associated with eating habits. I am letting go of labels “good” and “bad” as they are loaded with judgments that sometimes have a lot to do with ideology: political, social, religious.  From this less judgmental place the question isn’t “is this a good or bad habit?” but rather “does this habit serve me?  Does it support me in growing in the direction I want to be growing?  Does it feed my soul?”  It feels like a much healthier place from which to base decisions, and it puts me in charge of the process.  It has had a cascade effect into other aspects of my life.  What about my yoga practice?  What about my sleeping habits?  Etc.  It was a powerful week that I’m grateful I had the opportunity to experience.

In case you’ve been wondering what practices the detox entailed, here is a short summary:

• Abhyanga

-          Rubbing body with oil before shower

-          Olive or sunflower (for pitta dosha)

-          Sesame (for vatta and kapha doshas)

-          Follow with hot shower and cold rinse without washing off all the oil

-          Pat dry

• Diet

-          Kitchari: basmati rice, mung beans, spices, zucchini, green beans

-          Potassium broth: potato and carrot peals, celery, kale

-          Avocado

-          Apple

-          Steamed vegetables

-          Tea

• Neti Pot and Nasya Oil

-          Nasal rinse with mild saline solution

-          After the neti pot, a few drops of Nasya oil (sesame oil and other spices) in each nostril

• Daily yoga practice

Dharma – life’s mission in this physical world, vocation, our heart’s desire

Artha – means, prosperity, wealth (material and financial)

Kama – pleasures of the body

Moksha – pursuits of the spirit

The lecture focused on Artha, and the goal was to encourage us to step away from the notion that” money is the root of all evil”, and recognize that money is simply a means of exchanging of energy. (I’ll get into that more a little later.)  According to Aadil, we can bring the energy of our spirit to the acquisition of wealth, then let our spirit guide us as to where to spend it.  I’m going to do my best to summarize his talk.

The last three purusharthas are indented above on purpose.  These are conditioned by the first, dharma.  In other words, how much of the last three desires are we to pursue?  We are to pursue as much as is needed in order to live our dharma.

There are four ways in which we are controlled.  We are controlled when we are sick, poor, unhappy and fearful.  In order to be free we must be healthy, wealthy, joyous and powerful.

The problem is not the acquisition of wealth, but rather greed.  Greed is taking for myself without consideration of its effect on others and my spirit.  The creation of wealth for dharma is not greed.

Money is just a flow of energy.  You build a house.  This takes energy.  I cook food.  This takes energy.  You give me the house, and I give you money for it.  I cook you food, you give me money for that.  Money is nothing more than the energy flowing back and forth between us.

So why are we afraid of wealth and why do we jeopardize ourselves in acquiring it?

1. We are insecure – we feel we don’t deserve it
2. We are afraid it will alienate others. “I will become one of THEM.”
3. I will not get it.  I’m setting myself up for failure.

These fears are patterns of thinking, records that may have been playing in our heads for years.  Often we reject or misuse artha, kama and moksha.  The reason is because we don’t understand or do not recognize our dharma (our true heart’s desire).  The positive side of our desires is when following them takes us in the direction of our dharma.

Well, there you have it, an abbreviated summary of an interesting lecture (essentially, my notes transcribed).  I would add a fourth reason that we jeopardize our acquisition of wealth.  We do not want to take responsibility for the place we currently inhabit.  We want to blame someone else for it.  Typical objects of our blame – bosses, capitalism, republicans, democrats, the Man, parents, children, friends, lovers, spouses.  Realizing that there is no one to blame is one of the most empowering experiences a person can have.  The energy I put out there is what comes back to me.  Since moving back to Chicago, I’ve begun to put a laser focus on my yoga practice. Yoga, and what it brings to me and others, has shot my energy level through the roof.  It hasn’t been easy, and there have been setbacks, but it just feels right, and so here I go.

There are so many questions when we get down to the nitty gritty decisions we make every day.  How do we acquire wealth if our dharma is something that does not get compensated well in this world?  What about our 401k’s and other investments?  How do we invest consistent with our dharma and still make money? I find that as I sit with the ideas talked about above, and allow myself to change old patterns of thinking, the answers to these tricky questions begin to reveal themselves.

On Monday, September 3^rd, I’ll be introducing myself to the Just Breathe community by teaching a class there at 9:00 am.  Start your Labor Day off right with some pre-picnic yoga!

From September 10^th until October 29^th, I’ll be teaching back to back classes on Monday evenings at Just Breathe.  The first class, 5:00-6:15pm, will be a Level 1-2 class for experienced practitioners.  The second class, 6:30-7:45pm, will be a beginning series for students new to yoga.

For the Level 1-2 class, you don’t have to be an advanced practitioner, but some experience and a comfort level with basic posture is helpful.

The beginning series is ideal for someone who has very little or no yoga experience.  Conducted in a very safe and supported setting, the classes will provide you with a solid foundation in yoga practices, and help build your level of comfort and confidence.

To find out more about Just Breathe Yoga Studio and to sign up for classes, go to

www.just-breatheyoga.com

Location:  Mindflow Group, 12301 South New Avenue, Lemont, Il

The class is also posted on Lemont Outdoors Meetup

http://www.meetup.com/lemont-outdoors/

I volunteered, teaching yoga on the unit once a week.  Barbara McKechnie, the full-time drama therapist on the unit and the person who requested a yoga teacher, was a guide, inspiration, and support to me as I slowly, clumsily grew more comfortable in my role, and began to get past those initial fears and insecurities.  At St. Vincent’s I really grew up as a teacher.  Barbara selected the children who were in my class each week, and she was always there to help keep things in order and respond if something happened.  Since the unit had a bit of a triage function, it was seldom that I saw the same children from week to week.  This was a mixed blessing.  I was glad to see the kids able to move on, back home or to another facility, but sad that I couldn’t continue to work with them and maybe have a more lasting impact.  So each time I went there, I didn’t know quite what to expect.  Sometimes I had a variety of ages in class, sometimes not.  Sometimes there was a mixture of boys and girls, sometimes not.  Some had a hard time sitting still, while others needed lots of encouragement to move at all.  Some kids loved the class and didn’t want it to end.  Others recoiled and didn’t want to bring their attention to their feelings and their bodies.  Each of them needed consistent love, nurturing, positive role models, limits, discipline, structure, compassion.  Yoga on the unit couldn’t give them all of that, but it gave them tools to come to a place of peace when the world around them was in chaos.  It gave them a way to calm themselves when they were upset or full of anxiety.  It helped them think in positive terms about themselves.  It began to help make them strong and flexible.  It helped improve their focus and concentration.  It offered them an alternative to the violence that is so often a part of their lives.  So for forty five minutes once a week I tried to bring these gifts to the kids.

I often didn’t know if or how these gifts were received.  But one thing is certain – if the truth be told, I was the one receiving the gifts.  I’ve grown so much, in so many ways.  I’ve gained valuable teaching experience.  I’ve grown to a place where I am comfortable with the kids and can be open, playful and supportive.  I was given the opportunity to look at my fears about teaching and working with kids, and address those fears in a supportive environment.  When the opportunity first presented itself, I begged off, making a number of excuses.  After sitting with it for awhile, I came to a realization. I said to myself, “This will not be comfortable or easy, but it will be really good for you.”  And so I agreed to give it a try. For this opportunity I will always be grateful to Universal Force Healing Center, Ann Taylor – their volunteer coordinator, St. Vincent’s Hospital and Barbara McKechnie.  Maybe one of the best kept secrets in volunteerism is that so often the volunteer gains as much or more from the experience as those they are trying to help.    

Post Script

Unfortunately, after filing for bankruptcy, the hospital discontinued all its inpatient services, including the pediatric psychiatric unit.  The hospital served the West Village for over 160 years, and because it was a charitable hospital, never turned anyone away due to a lack of ability to pay.  The hospital will be terribly missed on so many levels.  The neighborhood will miss the care it provided to so many.  Thousands of people are now out of work and forced into an already difficult job market.  I will truly miss bringing yoga to those kids on the unit.  The opportunity to teach there was a gift that I sometimes took for granted, but that I will deeply miss.